"How do I cope with being ugly and unlovable and never having a relationship?"

Dear Trevor,

Whenever I see someone with a girl, I get resentful. I hate it that jerks I know get women who are good and fall in love with them unconditionally.

I'm so tired of being alone, and honestly, I'm never going to find love or anyone who'll accept me. I've been isolated my whole life with no attention at all. I'm tired of it and my family keeps rubbing it in my face.

I know I'm ugly and that no one will ever give me a chance, and the one thing that has kept me on this planet is I hope of finding someone, but going through all this shitty stuff is making me lose that reason.

I just want to be with the love of my life. I know that sounds crazy because I'm a guy, but it's true.

I know I'm never going to be loved, so how do I cope with being ugly and unlovable and never having a relationship?

-Ugly and Unlovable

Dear Ugly and Unlovable,

I'm not going to blow smoke up your ass and tell you things will smooth out. Things are gonna get better because you're a good guy. The world will be perfect because I say it's gonna be.

I'm gonna save us both time with that bullshit.

I think it's important for me to set expectations a bit. Things aren't magically going to get better. If you do nothing, they'll probably get worse, actually. And the world isn't ever going to be perfect: it's never going to love you completely and unconditionally.

It's not supposed to, either.

The world is here so we can learn and grow and become better human beings.

My first piece of advice is to toss away your expectations that a woman is going to love you forever unconditionally. Women love men who are love themselves and are lovely people. And it's a constant, lifelong process. You don't just change and now you're done. You keep getting better. So ... this is a long haul kind of thing. Just keep getting better.

I'm really sorry you're in such a rough spot. I've been there when I was younger. Right after my college undergrad (I was lucky enough to get a degree!) I went into the work force. I was hated, angry, and so so goddamned lonely. I was completely isolated from anything positive every day of the week, other than Friday Night Magic. Seriously, I had three hours that were good. That's all I had. Those three years I wanted to kill myself every day.

Yeah, every day. I was so exhausted I didn't. Weird how that worked out.

Honestly, at some point, I said "Fuck it - if I'm going to die next week, what do I really want to do?" And I started doing that.

My second piece of advice is to make a list of 5-6 things you want to do. And find a way to do them! Doesn't matter - go the Grand Canyon. Cool! Find a way to make it happen, get a budget, find nerds on Reddit or Couchsurfing, dust off your hitchhiking thumb and get going!

I took up new hobbies (I didn't meet women at FNM), I went to bars to sing karaoke, I took up a sports league, I did things to intentionally get my ass outside and seeing people. Even if I didn't end up meeting and talking to them. Just get myself outdoors. I had fun, I did a couple cool things. I learned a couple new skills. Being outside took the edge off my shyness. I mean, if you're thinking about dying, why don't you just do something you've really wanted to do? See where that goes, you know?

Nothing gets better unless we make it better. So, the Grand Canyon - maybe on your way to Arizona you stop in a diner, get a plate of eggs, and a cute girl looks at you. You don't have to say anything, maybe you do or don't, but she noticed you. You put yourself in a new situation, and now something new (and this time, pretty cool) happened. Maybe a few diners down, one of those ladies will smile at you, too. You see what I'm talking about? It's time for you to step outside your norms and find uncharted territory.

You're in a crummy spiral right now - and I'm sorry you are! - so you gotta try a few new things to get what you want. You're not going to win all the battles, but one or two victories will probably change your mind about yourself.

And my third piece of advice comes in two parts - about those assholes who always get women. You know, those jerk friends who always seem to get laid every night. They practiced talking to women, too. They failed! A lot! And keep failing, trust me! But they put themselves out there. You'll need to put yourself out there, too! Give yourself a deadline. I think 3-6 months is more than fair to talk to 3 women. First month or two, just say hi to people you pass by. Man or woman. Hi. Smile. That's it. That's how you start.

The second part of this piece of advice ... so that jackass friend of yours. Yeah, I know him. He's at the diner with his girl from last night. He bought her their breakfast, they're totally silent together, she's on his phone, and he goes on his phone in a bit, too. You look at her, you smile, she looks at you, too. Lingers a bit. And then goes back to her phone ignoring him.

Asshole men get women all the time. Fine. But they don't stay because, gee, they're assholes. A woman with a jerk is four conversations away from finding a better guy. When you get in a better spot, you'll see what I mean. Be a great guy and you'll keep the right one far longer.

I hope this helps! Again, women don't just fall out of the sky. You got to make your life what you want. Do fun and awesome things, things that make you shit yourself it was so cool - now you'll have a lot to talk about when you start approaching and initiating conversation! And set a deadline for yourself, even if you end up hitting some of those points a little late. Think about what you want to accomplish each month, and 3-6 months is a reasonable timeframe to work with. Work at it and you'll see how lovable you'll become to women. Good luck!

Got a problem talking to women and want advice? Didn't agree with my advice here? Email me at MensDatingWorld at Gmail dot Com.