"What makes a guy approach someone?"

Dear Trevor,

I'm just curious, but what makes a guy approach a woman? I'm a 25 year old woman, and I consider myself attractive. I take care of myself and feel good about how I look. But I never get approached. I'll notice guys making repeated eye contact with me, but it never goes beyond that. Honestly, both of my past relationships started because I made the first move.

So ... what makes a guy go for it and approach someone?

Also, is there a way to give off "I want to be approached" energy? I'm not really into dating apps, and I'd love to meet someone in person. I'm not against making the first move, but I want a man to approach me already!

-Woman Waiting for a Man

Dear Woman Waiting for a Man,

Let me start by saying: you're doing the right things. And, also, this problem is not your fault.

In study after study, researchers are discovering that men - and women - are the loneliest they've been in decades. Men's mental health is plummeting (suicides are high and rising) and women are coming to terms with living their lives without a partner, by choice or not.

This is a massive issue in current society, and it's the reason I started this blog.

I'll speculate roughly why I think that is. Technology encourages and rewards (gives that dopamine fix) to people who swipe. You can swipe and, as a woman, will connect with a man who'll compliment you for a few weeks. Then you can swipe on the next.

Men like the fantasy of hoping to hook up with an attractive woman and chats for a week. It doesn't happen, so he keeps swiping away.

The Covid lockdown also shattered a lot of social norms. People got fearful and aggressive and - in my case, and others - violent. So many people forget how to interact appropriately in public, let alone in a flirty, sexy way. And those who can are basically in a minefield.

We, as a society, are still coming out of that thaw, and a lot of people are still ... feral ... because of Covid's social isolation.

(And, yes, it was the right thing to do to control the deaths from an infectious pandemic. Toot your anti-vax horn elsewhere.)

So, young woman, you're making eye contact and smiling at men who you want to approach you. This is totally right! But most men are still socially acclimating, so you're going to need to go a few more steps. Some options for you:

• DO Say hi. Eye contact, smiling, and saying hello (lightly waving if you're across a room) is plenty of green flags for most men to, at a bare minimum, say hello back.

• DO Initiate conversation - in a woman way. Wave a man over to you, and hit him with a woman pickup line. "Hey, you look like someone I know," or, "I liked your funny tee shirt, where did you get it?" You know, a line to get to know a man, not to get laid.

• DO let your friends know that you want to invite this guy over. It's very intimidating to approach a woman surrounded by her friends, and if they're not welcoming, he's probably going to dash away. Make sure you're clear with them when you want a guy around - and give a clear signal when you don't.

• DO be clear and be polite. If you don't like the guy you invited over, say something nice and very clear. "I'm sorry, I was hoping to get to know you, but you're moving too fast for me. I'd like to spend the rest of the night with my friends. I hope you have a good night."

It doesn't sound like you're doing this, but things not to do:

• DON'T fiddle on your phone. A woman on her phone is always texting her boyfriend. Or a more handsome guy.

• DON'T assume he'll read your context clues. If ignoring a guy worked in the past, don't assume it will these days. Context clues are just that - clues. They aren't exactly communication, and men these days are absolutely not Sherlock Holmes. Be clear and rip off the band-aid because it'll give him time to chat another woman. Also, practice being polite about it.

Now, for the men, a little training. If you see a lovely woman, and you're in a public area, it is 80% acceptable to approach her and initiate conversation. It is only dependent on the context of that situation.

On a bus? Sure, strike up a conversation. Entering/exiting the bus? Like ... she's busy trying to pay or to get to work. You had your shot.

The gym? Yup! Say hello, smile, all that good stuff. If she's lifting? Maybe don't divert her attention. You don't want her first interaction with you that she drops 10 pounds on her foot.

The library? Yup! Just respect the general quiet rules in the library. You might find something there to start up an intelligent conversation.

At work? It's not a public area, but there are rules, and they're different. Work is not a place to hook up. But, if you get to know someone, and you think they might be a good long-term partner, you can. If you have power over that person's position, like you can fire them ... please don't. If you're expecting something other than romance, oh, please don't. But, otherwise, many couples meet at work because you get to work alongside different people, and you get to learn about them over the course of months, and often, years.

Men:

• DO ask her her interest if she's not clear. If you're not sure if a woman is into you, ask her how she feels about your conversation. Don't wait around expecting her to clarify things. Women have had many, many bad experiences with rejecting men, and she doesn't know if you're one of them. (I have received many compliments from women when I ask them how our conversation is going. I usually hear "No one asks me that. Thanks for asking!")

• DO be respectful and polite. If you blow it, you blow it. It's okay. Say your it was nice to meet yous, your have a good nights, and then go on your way. (Manosphere advice is to harass her and traumatize her for the next man to pick her up. Would you want to date a traumatized woman? No. The manosphere is why the pickings are slim.)

• DO be clear about what you want with her. Yes, you can say you want a hookup. "Would you like to come to my place?" If you want a throw down, don't make it sound like you're searching for The One. You can set a date, a time to phone call, whatever you want to try. Women like clarity from a man and it makes us look confident. If she says no, you were rejected, and good luck with the next woman you approach. Dating takes practice.

Young lady, I hope this was helpful! Keep doing what you're doing, and I hope my extra tips will help you land the man of your dreams. Or at least the man of the next six months ;) Happy huntings!

Got a problem talking to women and want advice? Didn't agree with my advice here? Email me at MensDatingWorld at Gmail dot Com.