How to Ask for Consent for Sex

Consent is important. Simply ask "Do you consent to having sex?"

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There are very few and very bland resources. They are wooden, pointlessly awkward, and generally shoot you in the foot anyway.

Here are four real types of questions when asking for consent. It's so important to make sure you and your partner are on the same bedsheet erm... page.

Questions for Sexual Consent:

1. Soft affirmative - “Do you like this?” “Does this feel good?”

You make a sexual suggestion, then check in to see if they like it.

Ex. Maybe you'd like my tongue on your nipple. Does that turn you on?

2. Soft negative - “Do you feel uncomfortable?" "Is this okay?” "Do you feel safe talking about this?"

You make a sexual suggestion, but phrase your check in on what might be their potential discomfort. Ask this when your gut tells you you're straying off your partner's path. Make it very direct and clear and a yes/no type of question.

Ex. I'd like to cum in you. [a pause] Hey, did what I say make you feel uncomfortable?

3. Direct positive - “Do you want to ____?” “Can we ____?”

You come out and ask for sex or if they want to try a specific sex act. It's basically the only question for sexual consent on every website.

Ex. Can we have our little roll in the hay?

Ex 2. I would love to have anal sex with you. Shall we?

4. Direct negative - “I'm not sure you're enjoying this. Let's stop.” “I don't know if you're comfortable. Let’s pause this.”

You address your partner's discomfort directly; then you make a statement that you're stopping the show. This is an "implied question" - if your partner agrees or says nothing, you stop the show. If they say, "Hey, no, keep going," then that's your consent. This question is super important to know especially if this is your first time with your partner! If you have to use this one, and you fucked up, give yourself grace. People make mistakes and you avoided a big one. I've asked and a lot of times my partner is anxious about work or something else, honestly. Don't be afraid to ask this question ever.

Ex. I’m not sure you’re comfortable. Sorry, let’s put this on hold and talk about it later.

This Video from RAINN is a great resource to help you pick up on when you might make a potential partner uncomfortable. Look at the refusal skills shown here, and ask this person directly if that's you being the jackass. You ain't gonna know if you ain't ask.

I hope this helps a lot of you gents out there. Study up!

Got a problem talking to women and want advice? Didn't agree with my advice here? Email me at MensDatingWorld at Gmail dot Com.