"My girlfriend doesn't like having sex with me"

Dear Trevor,

My girlfriend and I (both mid 20s) have been dating for almost a year. This is the best relationship I have been in, and she's told me the same. We talked about moving in together, even marriage, and we both love each other a lot.

My only issue with our relationship is my sex drive is a lot higher than hers. We only have sex once a week. I wish we had sex every day.

I've brought this up with her and she told me she hasn't had the best relationship with sex, but she'll try to enjoy it more. I've asked her so many times what she likes, what she wants, and if she wants to try something new. I'm very open minded. Still nothing.

She'll say "oh we'll have the best sex later" or "I can't wait for later" but I feel like she's manipulating me. I don't think she likes having sex with me at all. But I also deserve to be attracted to and desired. What do I do?

-Not Getting What He Wants

Dear NGWHW,

Your going to get a lot of advice from everyone. Things like, "she doesn't owe you sex," "she's not interested," "communicate better," everything.

Here's my first piece of advice: don't quit.

My second piece of advice is: try a different way to communicate. Most men don't know how to do this successfully. I like to think most men try. (Especially when it comes to sex!)

This communication method has worked for me, and your mileage may vary. Go ask her very specific questions:

• "Do you want to try _____?"

• "Does the fantasy of _____ turn you on?"

• "One of my fantasies is _____. Is that a turn on for you?" (If this is actually one of your fantasies!)

The question "what do you like sexually?" is the same question as (no offense, ladies) "what do you want to eat tonight?"

Both questions are too open ended. You'll never get an answer! (Ladies, you have to admit I'm right.)

If you ask specific questions, be willing to be shot down. At least 60% of the time. Google common fantasies for women, and start there. You've got to do the extra legwork here. It's a societal norm that women are expected not to have dark, filthy fantasies.

Well, they do. It's very personal to share them. It makes a woman feel incredibly vulnerable.

You're open to a lot of things sexually, which is great! Ask away, respect her boundaries on what she doesn't like, and be prepared to be ... well, surprised. Eventually you'll clear this communication hurdle, and she'll end up sharing her biggest fantasies with you. If those are not your cup of tea ... and that definitely can be the case ... respect your own sexual boundaries and tell her it's great for her, not fine for you.

Doing this has made me discover kinks I never knew I had. In rare instances, I've also found some really weird, really hard limits. But mostly you should be good to go.

I hope this helps. Go dive in!

Got a problem talking to women and want advice? Didn't agree with my advice here? Email me at MensDatingWorld at Gmail dot Com.